Breaking Tradition

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More people are getting married during ages between 22 to 25 in Shantou. Like my Mum usual told a girl that when she is under 25, she can choose what man she wants to marry, because men are prefer young girls generally. However, it is a tradition that women reply on men and being passive. It is like hundreds years ago in the West, and it still exists that women grow up as a passive images to be chosen by men. As silly as my Mum, they don’t see women as intelligent as men, as long as women can find a good husband.

Nowadays, female have equal education and occupation choices and they don’t have to reply on searching men to get married because they are ‘young’. On the opposite, there are many failure marriages because of marrying too young or married the wrong one. When they are young, they have not experience enough and made a rush choice to be with someone. People should know whether they have ability to create a new family. It does exist that people are too young to marry a wrong one. Of course I also see many people had their happy marriages. I do think women are smart and capable to choose what they want, and whether they want to marry or not, regardless the age issues or social pressure either judgement.

Different people have different ideas about the issue. despite age or gender issues, this is about breaking tradition. It’s different valuation to choose. if something you choose for sure, keep walking on to search your happiness without complaining because it is your choice.

The reason inspired me to write this article is the movie Mona Lisa Smile which showed women were try to break through the tradition. The main character was a teacher, and her personality was influenced her female students. Instead of getting married after graduation, the female students can do whatever they want to achieve in their life, not just focus on marriage. Ideally we hope women can be a good wife and be successful in their career as well.

打破传统

在汕头,很多人22-25岁就结婚生孩子。就象我妈妈常我们说,一个女孩子在25岁之前就可以选男人,25岁之后就是男人选你了。因为男人永远喜欢年轻的女孩子,年轻就是你的皇牌!这让我觉得为什么女人永远处于被动,男人总是主载女人的权利,就象几百年前西方国家的生活一样,传统的男人为住,女人为附,而我们在重复着他们的步伐。

现代社会,女人和男人拥有一样的教育权利,有机会一起在工作上竞争。女人有更多选择的空间,毕业之后,不止是为了结婚生孩子,因为为了乘年轻嫁个好老公。相反之中,很多人嫁错郎因为年少无知,父母要他们乘年轻结婚,结婚之后才知道两人不合,太冲动而结婚,没有能力组织一个新家庭。当然,组织新家庭并不容易,我也见证很多成功的婚姻。我相信女人和男人一样聪明,有能力去主宰她们的生活。女人是否几时结婚,不需要以年龄,或社会的压力来决定,是她们自己决定她们想和她所爱的人成立一个家。

不同的人有不同的意见吧,女人们能打破传统,突破年龄问题或是性别歧视或社会的压力是很不容易的。生活价值的不同观决定人不同的命运,假如你选择了一条你自己决定的路,不要后悔,勇往直前走下去,不要抱怨,因这是你选择的道路。

我有这个‘打破传统‘的想法其实是自己的性格就比较独立反叛,看到电影(蒙娜丽莎的微笑)讲着一个女老师能打破传统,因当时的社会毕业后就结婚,她选择了她想要做的事情,而不是传统的结婚生孩子,而这启发了她很多快毕业的学生。电影简单感人。理想中我们希望能做个成功的妻子/妈妈兼优秀的事业女性。

Congfu Tea Culture

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Congfu Tea , talking about Congfu tea it made me have a thought about another different culture in between Chinese and Western country.

Cong Fu tea, which is popular in Chaoshan area of Guangdong and the south of Fujian, is integrated with many aspects of tea such as spirit, ceremony, tea-making technique, and quality commentary. Regulations are made for the tea sets, tea-leaves and water, and its making, teaing and serving. It’s wonderful beyond words to sip and taste tea slowly and carefully with the small pot and cups. The fragrant of tea is divide several like green tea Tieguanyin, brown tea Oolong tea etc. As a chaoshanese from Shantou we are not only proud of our Congfu tea culture, every one also know how to make Congfu tea. but today we aren’t talking about how to make the Congfu tea; we are going to talk about the core of Congfu tea spirit.

Western people normally there have four dairy drinking cultures. One is coffee culture or British brown tea with milk and sugar one, the Coke drinking and the sparking water. In west, people drinking or eating are very individual way because people are more emphasis on what you own like and respect the other people’s choice. Western people are prefer to their own characteristics and specialties.

In Chaoshan or even the China, we are more emphasis on the group. My foreign friends always say Chinese like to follow the leader; Like if a shop has many people on the line waiting; other people might think it’s the nice shop, then follow the group. We like have a big drink or big meal like Hot-pot and everyone share with the same pot. Like Congfu tea, congfu tea always have 3 cups or more than 3 cups; it means all the people are sitting around the tea-set and talk in a group. It’s like a small party with serving a Congfu tea. That’s why people in China always say Chaoshaneses have the coherence of all the Chanshan people; I think it’s naturally form from our dairy life eating & living and become a culture.

It’s just funny that when I had a congfu tea with friends and talked about Congfu tea spirit and I realized it’s true that the different living style form in different culture, and I suggest sometimes these two opposite culture should exchange. Let Chinese experience more individual more; let westerners enjoy more group spirit.

说起功夫茶,它令我想到了中西饮食文化的差异,做为地道汕头人的我,不但个个都要会冲一壶好茶,也要懂得茶的文化精神。流行于广东潮汕、闽南等地的工夫茶,融精神、礼仪、沏泡技艺、巡茶艺术、品评质量为一体。无论是对茶具、茶叶、水质还是冲泡、饮法、礼节都中规中矩,大有讲究。茶具小壶小杯,品茶需慢慢吸啜细细品尝,妙不可言。内涵丰富的工夫茶习俗可谓中国茶文化一绝,但今天我想讲的是中西文化的饮食文化的不同而带来不同思维方式。

西方国家的人通常有四种是他们日常会喝的东西,像多数是咖啡,英式红茶,可乐和有汽的矿泉水。在西方,大家都很强调个性与独立,他们尊重别人的选择,不会把他们的思想强加在别人身上,这让每个人都很体现个性和独特性的追求。你喝你的咖啡,我喝我的饮料。

在潮汕地区,甚至其他中国地方,大家喜欢跟群,跟大伙;总之大伙说的一定是好的,像一家店前面很多人排队,那家人一定好吃;我们的个性宣传不是很大,中国人喜欢谦逊,喜欢照顾大众牺牲自己,可以说集体思想偏多一点,这是我们的一种美德,。潮汕地区的团结力就象我们大家围在一起品尝功夫茶一样,客人喝茶先,永远照顾大众,像一个陌生的人在藤下遮荫时,你要你看见有人在冲功夫茶,只要你停留片刻,大家都会热情叫你喝上几口功夫茶然后跟你闲话几句,体现照顾大众的文化。

在跟朋友品尝功夫茶同时启发我其实中西文化的不同来源与饮食习惯。中国人喜欢大伙一起分享;西方国家的人喜欢个性的美;其实我觉得这两种文化应该交换和综合,让中国人学习更有个性的美,多点享受自己的空间,自己争取想要的东西;让西方国家的人学习更有集体主义的美。

Cheers to the friendship

carmen-shine

When we get older, we realise that we can not spend as much time as used to be with friends. One reason is that people grow up. Friends after school go to different paths. For example, some of friends work in different cities; some are too busy to fly over different cities or countries; some even live in the same city but they feel too far and lazy to catch up with friends. However, people’s attitudes and values are changing and we meet more new friends every day.

There are ways to maintain the relationship with old friends is to communicate more. Although the feel for the old friends have not changed much, we need to make effort to keep the relationship updated as well as the world is changing.

Some people might think that they don’t want to bother their friends, but friends might not feel the same way. Take me as an example, I love friends bothering me. I feel very useful to be needed and that is why I love social gathering with friends such as hold a party. The reason for that is too see and catch up with old friends.

It is sad when I think of my best friends are so far way. One of my best friend Shine – we finally arranged to see each other again in the cafe after 1 year and an half, but during our conversation, she kept watching her watch and explained she got 30 minutes before rushing to the airport. I felt so little time to catch up with her, but this is life.

I know she is always being somewhere for me whenever I need her. They are not friends anymore, but are members of the family.

Friend is forever and let us treasures friendship. This is why carmenxu.com for – no matter how far I am; I always share my stories with my friends.

Cheers to friendship!

为友谊而干杯

当我们一天天长大,你会不由自主的发现你跟好朋友联系少了,不象你们在学校时候,虽不能常粘在一起,但至少聚多散少,毕业后各自选择的生活方式不同了,所以我们经历就不同了,价值观就随自改变了。你跟他们交流少了,因有些朋友生活工作在不同的城市,一些多数在天上飞过日子,一些即使在同一城市因住的远而懒得联系,但这不能是借口。但或许这就是我们成长和经历的不同,生活态度和价值观随之而改变。有些朋友甚至说你变了很多,其实不然,只是他们更的接触的少了,甚少交流才发觉你变了,变是好事,这世界需要不断的接受变化。但你对朋友那份心,那种默契是永远不会变的。有些人说“我不想麻烦朋友”但其实不然,朋友不觉得你在麻烦他们。

我喜欢朋友麻烦我,这意味这朋友需要你,他们需要帮助时候想到你。这就是我喜欢搞派对的原因,因为我希望除了大家开心之余,也跟好朋友多点聚聚,分享多点你的生活,不会因时间或空间而变得疏远。 真的很伤感但你觉得你最好的朋友离你那么远,她好忙而你经常不能见到她。我们多想珍惜我们的友谊啊,时而能见见面喝喝茶谈谈天,但聚少散多已是事实。象下午,涵在去白云机场飞去西安之前过来看我了下,我们在酒店旁边的“陆街”Café 坐下来,我几乎1年半多没见到她了,我们的谈话也变得很赶,她老对手机看时间,跟我说我们只有半小时,天啊,我们真的有很多很多话要讲,但我知道她真的很赶时间, 晚上她跟我说,差一分钟飞机就飞走了。但是在我心里我多想留住她啊。

当然我还是那样的爱她,她对我的感情也是这样,无论怎么样,当我需要她时候,她永远在我身边。虽我们会有越来越多的新朋友出现在你生命中,但你永远希望跟你最好的死党跟你分享你的喜和悲,他们不再是你的朋友那么简单,他们是你家庭成员的一份子。每次当你想到这些问提, 它令你思考,让你沉思。 但无论如何,朋友是永远的,我们好好珍惜他们。这也是我办网站的原因,让我所有朋友无论身在何处,都知道我是多么的想他们。

为朋友而干杯.

Live for family or for yourself

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I am an open-minded, rebellious girl. No matter whether in work, in relationships, or in life, I always want to be happy. I know who I am, what I need to do, and what I live for. I don’t care how other people judge me; only that I do my job well. I know if something has too many additions from the normal way, then it will change from the original. Sometimes things that happen in your life make you face your own reality.

My parents are a very traditional family in the Chaoshan area; Chaoshan people are famed for their caring attititude towards their family. I know many friends who have sacrificed their career to stay with the parents in Shantou. They are all very talented and they devote themselves to their family; they give up their dreams and live and work in their hometown. I am not saying that’s wrong or right. Nothing is wrong or right when you see them in a different position. I don’t know why Chinese parents always hope their children should live with them
and keep them in their vision?

My personal dream is this: parents should let children to experience what is life; let life teach them what the real world is about. Then you will try you best to earn money to devote to your hometown. I know it’s my untouchable dream,but I always hope I could do that.

However, I think we are a new generation; we have our own mind, our own dreams, we are educated and we have learnt about different cultures. Is this a reason to give up your own dreams and follow your parents? What about yourself? What do you live for? My friend Shine said: “because you belong to your family”. In Chinese tradition, parents raise you so you can’t belong to yourself. It’s one of the drawbacks. Though we choose to live our life in different towns, even our heart feels tired to strive against life sometimes; everyone wants to
settle down easily in life without worrying about things.

Will we be happy in the life our parents choose for us? Will their happiness be the same as our happiness? Different people have different paths in their life, and there are many routes with no choices. Human beings can’t always be selfish. I prefer that my parents respect my choices and what my life is; but not necessarily the way they want it to be. I hope my parents will respect my choices and wish me happiness. If I am happy, then they will be happy as well. If they really love and understand me, they will respect what I choose and not
interfere with my lifestyle; they will be my guides and teachers, and not force me to down a path of their choosing. If that happens then people become rebellious and struggle against it.

People always have ups and downs and you can only learn from your own mistakes. You have to take your own path to experience what life is to truly learn something inside. Maybe I will walk very hard but I hope I can look back on my life and say that I have finished it without regret.

No matter where I am, my body floats in the world, but my heart is still in Shantou. I love my hometown; I love my family. Without them, there would be no Carmen. But I hope this love is based on a respect and trust that goes both ways.

为家庭而活还是为自己而活

思想前卫带有西方思想而又带有叛逆的我,总希望我的生活简单,无论工作,感情,生活,希望很简单,很开心去做就好,做好自己的本分,不需要太多的外界干扰,因为我知道,很多东西假如有太多的外界干扰,会使它变质。但事实上现实不是像你想象的这么简单,我的家庭很传统的潮汕家庭,是所有人都知道最传统的,最顾家庭的。很多同学为了家庭,父母而放弃在外拼搏的机会,我有很多很有才华的聪明的朋友,都为了家庭而放弃自己的理想。这没有存在错与对,不同的角度看东西的事情不同。

不知道中国的父母都认为孩子就一定留在父母的身边?这样不自私吗?孩子又怎么能永远在温室里成长呢?每当我以前上大学时,上学校大巴回广州时,车水马龙的交通都因为所有的父母护送大学生们离开,在离开时还依依不舍的嘱咐这些或那些。他们都是大学生了,而且几个月就回家一躺,这不是教育孩子的方式。独立的我,总是摇摇头,父母总说我不懂他们做父母的心,或许吧!我的思想是:孩子需要锻炼需要去外面闯一番,然后为尽量为自己家乡创造财富,这永远是
我伟大的梦想。 那我觉得,我们年轻一族,有思想,有抱负,接受不同文化的熏陶,就为了父母想你留在他们身边而放弃自己理想吗?那你追求的生活呢?我朋友涵涵说:“因为你还是属于你家庭,中国传统父母养育 让你不能属于你自己,这也是中国一大弊端吧。虽然出門在外奋斗,内心永远有种累感觉,我们可以理解一个做父母亲心情,他们也不想我们奋斗太辛苦。”我们何尝不想安安稳稳轻松的过日子,但你经历多,有了不同的生命价观,思想就不是很单纯的满足物质生活,而是想充实精神生活。

按照父母给我们的生活模式我们会幸福吗?我们的幸福跟他们认为的幸福一样吗?不同人有不同角度去看生活。我明白生活有很多无奈和责任这是当然的,虽然爱是自私的,我明白父母总想孩子们总生活在一起,但为孩子好的话,应该放多点成长的空间孩子们去体现这个世界。我希望无论我选择什么样的生活方式,望父母会选择尊重和希望我开心,他们看到我的开心而开心,而不是按照他们的生活方式去做人,去生活,我不想我的人生为了别人而活,那不是我要的生活,也不是我的性格,他们是爱我的或了解我的,应该尊重我的选择而不是干涉我的生活方式,可以在旁指导并引到我,而不是强加给我的思想,我会反抗,我会变的叛逆,我希望是我会自动的给予或回报而不是别人的索回。我想我的生命由我自己掌握,好与坏是自己选择的路,人总要在跌跌碰碰中成长,人总要学会每一步自己去走,才学到东西。也许我会走的很辛苦,但我会无怨无悔去经历去体验什么叫做生活。希望我在我闭上眼睛上天堂时,我对自己说,我今生无悔。

无论我身在何处,身在外,心在汕头,我仍然爱我可爱的汕头,也永远爱我的家人,没有他们就
没有我现在的我,但希望爱是种尊重与信任。

My Poet to John

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One trip has changed my life.
Angel sent you to make me smile.
I feel our love is growing.
I’m not one of those who can easily hide.
Love is fragile and should be held tight

I’m falling in love
But I’m scared to let you go
You always tell me “ don’t worry baby”
You make me believe what is “love”

No matter how painful was it before.
You make my fair-tale story become true.
No matter how the story will be end.
You told me your life is just beginning

So many things are waiting for us to experience
How wonderful life it is while you are in my world.